rebecca94

It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve even visited my computer. Just wanted to give a little update. I figure I am about seven weeks along. I go to the doctor on the 9th of Feb. I switched doctors and it took a little while to find one that I think I will like. Most of my day is spent lying down or sitting trying to tell myself I am not as nauseated as I really am. Then I go to move and I have to run to the toilet. At least 10 times a day. I started crying today because I just feel so damn rotten. I feel like my muscles are wasting away because of my inactivy. I try to move around and go walking but I get so nauseated. I’ve lost about four pounds because I can’t eat anything but turkey sandwiches. I know it sounds like I’m having a pity party but I’m not. After hearing about a dear friends miscarriage today, who was not much further along than me, I am thankful for everyday I have with this baby, sick to my stomach or not. Because this will pass and I will be as active as I was before. I just need to hang on. I just wish my husband would get with the program and be a little more sympathetic. They (some) are just so clueless sometimes!

 It’s been a couple days now that I found out I was pregnant. I am still numb and in shock I think. This has come completely out of left field. I am excited and scared at the same time. This bumps us up to four kids!

 My little girl’s b-day party is tomorrow. She turned five on New Year’s Eve. I am undecided whether I should make the announcement with all the family there. I’m just nervous I guess. Not quite ready for the excitement - if that makes sense. Also two of my sisters have been trying to get pregnant for several years now an here I am popping kids out like popcorn.

Once my baby turned a year in April everyone started with the “it’s time for another one” and my typical reaction would be “Ha!”.  And to be honest, I really did want another baby. My youngest is 21 months now. That’ll give a good little spread between them.

The thing I’m scared the most of right now at this moment is I’m not nearly where I want to be in terms of weight. If I did decide to have another baby I wanted to be under 200 pounds. Well, that’s not going to happen and all I can do is take the best care of myself as I can. I’m not going to diet or try to lose weight. I’m going to go back on my dietician’s diet and exercise moderately. With my last two pregnancies I ate very healthy and was healthier when I had the baby than at the time I got pregnant - I just need to learn to keep it up after the nine months is up!

 I’m a full believer that everything happens for a reason and I truly am blessed and grateful that God has given us another blessing.

But I am still in shock.

Hello Buddies! Boy, am I glad the new year is upon us. I had lots of fun with the family over the holidays but I’m ready to get back to a schedule and get back on track. I especially like New Years because it’s not about gift-giving, it about having fun and ringing in the New Year with a bang. I sure rang in the New Year on a good start - I danced around a fire for two hours straight! Not one drop of alcohol either. I thought I would be in bed for 9:00 pm b/c I was so tired that day but I just got a burst of energy and didn’t get to bed until nearly 3:00 am. So anyway, now that it is over, I am a little sad. The tree and all the decorations have to come down, the kids start school Monday. It’s usually this time of year until Spring when I get a little depressed. I’m going to try and not let it get to me this year. Not really into the resolution thing. But I do like to recap my year and think about what I could have done differently. I surely did not have the best weight-loss year. I ended up a few pounds more than where I started, which is not a good thing. I struggled every single day. But I didn’t really do anything. The first part of the year through the summer was okay. But the fall came and then Halloween, then Thanksgiving and ect. I just basically fell apart. I ate way too much and didn’t move enough. I started tracking on Fitday.com which I LOVE but then I stopped. And the sad part is I struggled mentally each and every day, basically each and every minute! It’s so sad when I look back on ‘08. I’m talking weight-loss related. I am so grateful for tons of other things that I recount all the time. I just need to pick up the pieces and get my ass in gear. I am going to work on my negativity and my procrastination this year. As far as my goals - I want to be under 200 by the summer. I need to take tiny, little baby steps b/c I have not done well with making a list of daily goals. I have not accomplished one thing on a list when I have five or six things on it. So for the next seven days I will:

• take my vitamins daily
• drink 10 glasses water daily

I think these are fairly simple and should get me started on the right track. I’m not going to sit on my ass and eat like a pig, but I need to focus 100% on these tasks and then build upon them. Like I said before, I’ve done the OPPOSITE of what I’m supposed to do since around Oct. and it shows. I’ve eaten too much, not exercised, stopped taking my vitamins, stopped drinking my water. Ugghhh, time for a change. I need to FEEL better. Neglecting myself and my health is not a good thing.

So buddies, join me in starting off this New Year right. We will have bumps along the way but as long as I have you guys, we can pull each other through! :):):):):)

…….eat one more of those cute little tree shaped chocolate covered peanut butter candies I will slap myself silly!!!!!! I mean, come on! Why, why did I have to buy them? I knew I couldn’t resist - I swear they were calling my name in the middle of the night. I could hear them from behind my closet door. Eat me…..eat me….eat me…….

Okay, I can gain control, I am more powerful than some perfectly wrapped, just enough chocolate coating, not too much peanut butter in the middle christmas trees, right? Yes, yes I am.

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

Okay, that was just for fun! I am NOT, repeat NOT suggesting any of those! The tips given in the last newsletter are much better and will actually keep you from gaining this holiday season. Much love -

Okay, ya’ll know how I am about uploading pics to blogs but IF you can see them, this is what we woke up to this morning! For those of you used to snow, it’s no big deal but this is about a once in 20 year occurance for us. The kids missed school b/c the roads were icy and dangerous - lots of wrecks this morning. About 8 miles south of my house (I live in central Louisiana, bordering MS), they had 8 inches of snow and were building snowmen! So jealous! It even snowed in Baton Rouge and New Orleans. Some of my family members’ pics are so cool. Anyway, it melted quickly and now the sun is shinning and it’s just wet but we had a nice experience. Can you believe it was 74 degrees two days ago? And it will be again on Sunday!

I log in everyday and read blogs so I can’t officially say “I’m Back!” b/c I never left. I just haven’t been as active on this site for so many reasons. The main one being just fed up with constantly failing at this. I never quit, I just quit reporting it! I have not weiged myself in nearly a month and I am not sad about it. I have lost a little since I hit my all-time high (again) of 231. I’m not getting on that scale anytime soon either. I sabatoge myself everytime I see a loss. My main focus right now is 30 pounds. I have to get thirty off before I worry about the next thirty, then the next thirty. 30 pounds. I can do it.

Life has been extremely hectic for me around here. I coach a middle school basketball team and my last practice of the season is today, then a tournament this weekend and that’s it. Once that is over my heel (plantar fascitis) will be able to hopefully start healing b/c I won’t be demonstrating anything. The only exercise I am doing now is stationary bike. I am longing to walk three miles a day like I used to, or do an hour of step aerobics, swim 100 laps (too cold now!), heck just walk one step without pain. But I have to be content with what I am able to do now, and be thankful for that. And just do it, no matter what. I have lots of other things going but too boring to get into here. I have been taking things one day at a time and I’m trying not to sweat the small stuff. It’s been working so far. There is one big thing missing in my life: JOY. I’m just not happy lately. I should be, I have so much to be thankful for and happy about. But I am caught up in the day to day grind of running a househould, school and volunteer obligations, three kids, my weight constantly on my mind and it just feels like everything is being sucked right out of me. I feel empty. It feels like a chore to smile and be happy. That is sad and I need to work on that. This is a beautiful time of year and I need to enjoy it. I need someone to slap me and wake me up and say “You idiot! Look what you are complaining about! Snap out of it and enjoy life - you are so blessed!”. It’s complicated but not really - confusing I know.

So anyway, I just wanted to let my wonderful buddies know that I am and always have been around, just too embarrassed to admit I’m still struggling. Which is silly b/c you people are who helps me the most.

God bless and have a wonderful day!

Hi buddies. It’s been a little while since I last wrote. I’ve been reading blogs pretty regularly but I haven’t been on as much as I like. I wish I had more time to catch up with all my friends. It’s pretty hectic with three kids, their school work, keeping up with the house, meals, exercise, I know……blah, blah, blah! I did really well this week with journaling - a whole 7 days! I did good with the exercising the beginning of the week but hit a little speed bump. I’m going to hit it hard again this week. The ONLY thing I like about the time change is it isn’t so hard getting up early to exercise b/c of the daylight. I also need to go grocery shopping. I pretty much have no options left for healthy meals and you know what that leads to - bad food choices. I definitely need to incorporate more protein and fiber in my diet. I noticed through my food journal that my balance is off, too many carbs. Sigh.

With basketball season in full swing I have been in a lot of pain with my heel. I have been demonstrating way too much at practice and I’m paying for it. It’s amazing how your mood is affected when you are in pain. I can’t wait until I can walk again without pain but I know that won’t happen until I drop some poundage and give it time to heal. I just have to be creative with the exercise - getting my heart rate up without too much jumping around. The circuit training seems to be helping with that.

Well my sweet buddies - I’m actually going to bed before midnight - hope everyone has a wonderful week. Don’t forget to enjoy the journey!

I was having a pretty rockin’ day when I got a call from my son’s principal saying he was in trouble - again. He was caught cheating on a test today. Now mind you, after school he has detention for another incident about a month ago. Had to do with kids and tennis balls. Anyway, I am so frustrated with him. This week I decided to pull back and let him take the reigns as far as his schoolwork goes. I figured I wasn’t helping any being an enabler. I was too involved. I didn’t freak out or scream when he came home from school. I just punished him - he couldn’t go the the first basketball game tonight and watch his team play. He cried like a baby when I walked out the door. It hurt me to leave him. Now he has to pick his grades up before the next progress report which is in two weeks or he’s out for the whole season. He’s going to have to grow wings and a halo in order to do that. He does go to a catholic school but I didn’t see that in the brochure.

As I mentioned, it was my team’s first basketball game tonight. We got beat bad. My son really is the best player. Not just saying that. He could play ball before he could walk. It’s killing me to have him sidelined - I’ve been coaching him since 4th grade. Now he is in 7th and it’s his time to really shine and he has to sit out b/c of his choices. Boy I hope he learns a lesson from this.

So anyway, as soon as I walked through the door after the game I had this incredible urge to eat. I mean I really wanted to eat. I think it was the stress from the day and the game and all the things in between. I didn’t give in, mainly b/c I kept thinking of me having to go on the computer and log in the food I ate and seeing my little pie chart and the percentages increase. It’s just not worth it. That’s big deal for me, my pattern is to say screw it and pig out. Instead, I took some deep breaths, rocked my baby to sleep and dealt with it.

Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Good morning everyone. As my title says - it’s cold here! High only up to the 60’s. I’m loving it. I usually don’t like cold weather but it is nice. I am late getting my little girl some pants for school (she usually wears shorts or uniform skirt) so I felt bad sending her this morning because it was cold out. Yesterday the high was 80, what a difference a day makes. I wish I could go outside and walk. I hate not being able to walk for exercise. Because of my plantar fasciitis in my  heel it’s extremely painful to take steps. I have been exercising though. I am currently doing exercise DVD’s inside. Yesterday I did not want to exercise, I was dreading it! But I thought about how I took my exercise for granted when I didn’t have this heel pain and I keep telling myself - “When the day comes that I am all healed up, I will never take exercising for granted again.” Well, I still have my arms, my other foot, my stomach, my shoulders - basically everything except my right foot is perfectly fine. So I got in my workout. Although I have to modify it to suit my injury, I’m still doing it.

If you are able to view the pic above, it is of me and my husband at a halloween party this Saturday. He as Dog the Bounty Hunter and I was his wife Beth. I got to be a blonde for the night which was really fun. I’m showing this picture because I am 10 pounds heavier than I was in my default picture which was taken in late July. Sigh. I really need to get with the program guys. I don’t know what’s holding me back but I have to fight through it and get this weight off. I am not happy like I am. I do not have one piece of clothes that I like on me, I am uncomfortable everywhere I go. I hate to look at my reflection in the mirror, it’s affecting the relationship with my dear husband, I am not a good example for my kids. The list of course could go on and on. It’s obvious there are so many negatives to my excess weight. I just don’t understand why I am fighting myself so much on it. I want it so bad.

Well, time to get off this computer and go exercise. Thanks for listening. Have a beautiful day!